It was slightly chilly in the hushed hospital room. The air felt dead, it didn't move, and Jeff couldn't taste it when he yawned. Thirty years ago he had came into being in this very building, and tonight he found himself sitting on a metal stool beside the hospital bed, watching his father's chest rise and fall so slowly and his parted lips as he let out small breaths, wondering how many the sick guy had left in him. His father still looked like a strong, yet shy, intelligent man, even as he was lying here in this soft, warm bed, wearing a hospital gown with these wires attached to him and the lamp beside him shining a dim light upon his dry face.
          The thought that this vulnerable man, resting before his eyes, had been the cause of his existence, made Jeff shiver. This man deserved more than what he had. He didn't deserve a kid and all of the worries that came along with one. Too many thoughts were whirling in Jeff's head, but slow enough to let him absorb each one, adding to his guilt, though his face remained blank.
          The world suddenly existed again, when the doorknob turned and a nurse quietly entered the room, but her careful movement wasn't enough to keep Jeff's father from waking up. His eyelids lifted open in one, calm motion. He took in a long, deep breath to enliven his weak limbs and turned his head to his son.
          “Jeff...” he said, with no sign of sickness in his voice. He really was strong, “I told you to go home and get some rest. You don't need to worry about me, kiddo.” the nurse walked over with a small paper cup filled with water and handed it to Jeff's father.
          “Thank you, miss.” he smiled brightly and took a couple sips, then set the cup down on the desk where the lamp was, next to him.
          “You're welcome, Kyle.” the nurse smiled back at him, then looked over at Jeff, who still had a blank expression on his face. Jeff's father looked over at him as well. The nurse turned to walk away.
          “Wait,” said Kyle, “You can stay if you want.”
          “Please go.” said Jeff, sincerely. The nurse nodded and left the room, gently closing the door behind her. Kyle turned to his son, “I don't want you to be like this.”
          “Like what?”
          “I don't want to see you all depressed and worried. I'm still here. Nothing's wrong.”
          “I want to make sure it stays that way.”
          “Jeff...” his father smiled and paused, “You're a good son, and I realize that. You don't have to stay here for me to know that.”
          “You think I'm staying here to look like a good son?” Jeff raised his voice, “I'm staying here because I want to, dad! I owe you for all of the years you spent raising me! You're the greatest man to ever walk on earth, and you deserve more than what you've been given in life! Hell, you shouldn't have even had me...” Jeff slouched forward in the stool and rubbed his forehead with his palms.
          “Son...” Kyle put a hand on Jeff's knee, “I chose to receive everything that has been given to me. And if you think I regret having any of them, especially having you, you're as wrong as ever. You mean everything to me.”
          “When I was a teenager...that was when I realized all of the things you'd done for me. That was when I realized you were far greater than any other father in the world. I always thought I was like a germ, killing you, with the way you worried about me all the time. Like when I went out one night and lost my cellphone, so then you couldn't call me. I thought you were going to kill my friends when you were screaming at them, because they didn't get a hold of you for me. You blamed them for my stupidity, because you didn't want to upset me, and I knew it.
          “And that other time, when I was younger, I got up early in the morning, put on my rollerblades, and went out the door. I was going all around the neighborhood, up and down every road there was for almost an hour and a half. When I got back home, you were furious, but not at me. You walked around to everybody's house, waking them up with loud knocks on their doors, and when they opened up you screamed at them for not noticing a little boy laughing and playing in the streets, and for not calling you to tell you.
          “I knew I was the cause of your problems and frustration, and I knew how to fix it too, but I was a teenager. I was selfish and wanted to do what I wanted to do to enjoy life, instead of change my ways for you. I felt like running away many times, so I could be out of your life...so I could stop poisoning you with worry...but I knew that would only bring you even more. I wasn't the kind of son I should have been. I should have taken care of you. I should have changed for you. I was so stupid! Stupid!” Jeff jabbed his palms into the sides of his head and gritted his teeth.
          “Jeff, stop. Stop this.” his father reached out and pulled on his elbow. Jeff stopped and sat up, eyes watering, “I wanted to change, but I couldn't. No...that's just an excuse. I could have changed, but I didn't want to. I hate it. I really hate it.”
          “I don't want to see you like this. The past is past, Jeff. Look at me, I'm a happy man. Haven't I always been? And don't blame yourself for my actions, they're my own and I choose to make them. That's what a father and a man does, he makes sacrifices for his family. You can't think so deeply about that kind of stuff, you're killing yourself.”
          “I just don't want you to go anywhere, dad. I want to make up for everything I didn't do before...” Jeff looked into his father's dark hazel eyes for a moment, “It was always so hard for me to look you in the eyes...but now that I am, I can see and feel all the years you've lived, and I know you still have plenty more ahead of you. You're only fifty-six. Why are you even here?"
          “I ask myself that question every time I wake up in this place. And I can see in you too, that you have many years to live. You still have the same bright, powerful eyes that you had when you were a little kid.” Kyle's eyelids started to close against his will. He struggled to keep them open, but they felt so heavy, “Oh, I'm getting tired again already.”
          “You alright?”
          “Yeah, I'm fine. There's a umm...” Jeff's father pointed across the room, “my pants are on a lower shelf over there. Could you please get them for me?” Jeff stood up and walked over to the shelves. As he did, he could feel that the room got colder...or maybe he had just learned what reality was again. He had been so lost in his thoughts and focused on his dad who meant his own life and whatever came after it, he forgot what cold was. He even almost forgot how to walk, nearly tripping as he was practically dragging his feet across the hard, high traction floor.
          Jeff knelt down when he reached the shelves and pulled his father's pants out from underneath. He walked back over and sat on the stool once more, then handed the pants to his father. Kyle reached into one of the pockets and slyly pulled out his wallet, trying to keep it at an angle behind his pants where his son couldn't see it, but he failed. Jeff noticed the wallet and rolled his eyes as his father opened it and rummaged through it.
          “What are you doing? Come on.” Jeff stood up and walked back and forth beside the hospital bed, his stress building up again.
          “Here...” Kyle pulled out a few hundred dollar bills and drowsily held it toward Jeff, “Take this.”
          “I'm not going to take your money, dad! Why are you doing this?”
          “Have it. You might need it.”
          “No. I'm not gonna take it.”
          “Just take it, Jeff. Please.”
          “Why do...” Jeff paused to catch himself from crying, holding the emotion in his throat. He stared at the money, then slowly reached out and took it from his father, “Why do you keep doing this?” he whispered and a tear made it's way down his cheek, “Why do you keep being so good? Why can't you take a break?”
          “The world is screwed up, Jeff...and it's not going to stop being rough, so I'm not going to stop being good to the one person I brought into it.”
          “But this money...this paper with a number on it. It means nothing to me. Especially at a time like this!” Jeff squeezed the bills and threw them to the side where they hit against the wall.
          “I know...but it will later...” Jeff's father seemed to be drifting away. His eyelids wanted to shut, his lips wanted to stop moving, his body wanted to rest, and his heart wanted to stop beating. His heart monitor began to beep slower and slower.
          “Dad?” Jeff ran over to his father's side and put a hand on his chest. He could barely feel his father's heartbeat softly vibrating through his body, and his breathing was quiet and slow.
          “Somebody help! Nurse!” Jeff screamed as loud as he could, then looked back down at his father. He looked pale and his eyes were barely open. His mouth started to move, “Jeff.” he said, sounding more tired than weak or sick.
          “Yeah, dad, what is it?” Jeff's heart was racing and he could hear it pounding at his chest.
          “Life is too short not to enjoy it as best you can. Take it slow, kid.”
          “I will.” Jeff couldn't hold back the tears that started to pour down his face, but he was able to keep speaking clearly, “Take care of mom up there, old guy.” he smiled.
          “You know I will.” Kyle squeezed Jeff's hand and smiled. He had a strong grip for a dying man, but his hand was cold.
          “Yeah, I know you will. I know you will.” Jeff squeezed back and leaned his head against his father's hand, crying till his eyes burned and his head ached.
          “I love you, Jeff.” the old guy kept a smile on his face as he closed his eyes.
          “I love you too, dad. Beyond words or meaning, I...” his father's heart stopped and a loud, high pitched tone echoed throughout the room from the monitor. Jeff was silent. His jaw shook, his nose ran, and his eyes streamed tears that ran down his cheeks and dripped from his chin, soaking the sheets of the hospital bed, but he was silent. He was still squeezing his father's freezing hand.
          That was it.
          The one thing Jeff had left to care about was gone forever. Dead. A cold empty vessel starting to decay, soon to be dust in a buried coffin beneath the earth's soil. All noise was blocked out from Jeff's ears, and the only thing he could do was stare. Stare at his father's face, that still had a little hint of a smile.
          Then, Jeff found he was wrong. He would join his father and mother one day and return his love to them that they dedicated their lives to giving him. His father was still very much alive, in his heart and memories. The second you're born is when your body and bones start to die. And Jeff could hear something...his heart, beating to the sound of love. He could hear angels singing to him, telling him everything is alright, that life is beautiful, and that his father would be fine with them, in heaven.
          Jeff felt a tug at his shoulder. He looked up and saw a doctor running toward his father, then looked back to find the nurse trying to pick him up, off of the bed. They were both moving with quick jolts and yelling, but he couldn't hear what they were saying.
          Jeff stood up and loosened his grip from his father's hand. He looked at the old guy's pale face one more time to see that faint smile again. He could hear his father's voice in his head, saying, You don't have to worry about me, kid. Go home and get some rest.
          Jeff smiled. That's when he realized...
          Your heart isn't beating. It's knocking on heaven's gates until somebody opens up.